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I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true

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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2007|07:37 pm]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
im sick of this damn house
of these fake ass annoying people
no one cares
im sick of inconsiderate and disrespectful people
i want to punch them in the face multiple times til i get my ass beat and all i can do is spit on them

i dont want to go home ever
to kater or to delaware
both will feel empty and lonely
and not much homey at all

dont do it if its not fun
someone once said

is it sad that i often find i have more fun bymyself then with other people?
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I'm sinking to the bottom of my everything that freaks me out [Dec. 28th, 2006|03:20 am]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
im not ready to grow up
im not ready to give up on life or fun or love
i need to charish what i have obtained in my life so far
not worry so much about the future and live in the now
thats easier said then done
i need to get out more
spending so much time indoors by myself leaves me thinking retardedly way too much

my actions and thoughts and life are no ones responsibility but my own

boing-flip the situation and really think about it
like really really overly retarded style

people are hard to understand
even the ones you thought you knew so well
i guess its because people are constantly growing and changing
little by little things become different
and thats when adjustment is needed
healthy adjustment that is
which im not so good at

i constantly say i want change
but when things do change i dont know how to handle it

i try to understand to look at all possible angles
i compare things to the past because thats all i know

i cant help that i feel certain ways about things
i wish i didnt
i know why i feel the ways that i do but i dont think that anyone else really understands
i dont think anyone ever really will anyway
i hardly understand
all i know is that i cant change the way i feel
i wish i could
but i dont know how
so expressing these feelings are especially hard
since they are not feelings i enjoy nor am proud of
when you say something out loud it becomes real
it becomes a moment in time
thinking it in your head can be easily erased and forgotten
but once outloud to be heard
its out in the open
its real

it shouldnt be this hard
it should be easy
it shouldnt be something we continue to ignore

i think ive officially stopped making sense
i dont even know if i made any in the first place

we're in trouble arent we?
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i loath delaware [Dec. 27th, 2006|01:36 am]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
i hate the way you make me feel stuck
just sort of wandering like
floating through days
but not feeling much of anything good
just getting by
but not seeking anything out
because there is nothing
home is not home
home is whats closest to you
and well here there isnt much of anything left for me

i hate the way you make me feel
about the world and about myself
about my life choices
my past my future and my present

i want you to change so bad
change for the better
change for me or with me
but that will never happen
because you will always be what you are
and i will always be what i am
and somethings in this town will always be a waste

so all i can hope to do is one day find an escape from you
hopefully soon
because i don't think i can take another season of this

giving up and forgetting is probably better than the dissappointment
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bumble bees [Dec. 16th, 2006|06:16 pm]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
dear livejournal,
im so sorry i don't write in you everyday
weve grown apart and all i do is tell you the bad things

wake up take your pills dear

maybe i should invest some time into drugs
i feel i do need something
i cant keep doing this and feeling this way
this is not a healthy way to be
but actually seeking this out would mean im losing control
im giving up on myself
or is it that im not allowing myself to grow right now and im just holding myself back

this winter is going to be horrible
i can feel it in my nerves

i dont like feeling sick

i wish i could start everything over
clean, crisp and white
like an unexposed frame

that would make for an interesting project

i dont know what to do with myself anymore

please send pills to make me better
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andy [Nov. 23rd, 2006|03:01 am]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
just want to let you know
you stirred something up in me
something i wont quickly forget
i believe everything happens for a reason
and that people effect others in ways they will never know and never truely realize the capacity of their lives
you make me want to be a better person
you make me want to live every day like it was my last
you were so young
and i never did get the chance to say
or second third forth fifth chance that is
so instead ill say
and hope you the best
and say thank you
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this is my late nite make out [Sep. 28th, 2006|02:41 am]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
dear you,
you make me wonder
if ive ever fallen in love
you make me so physically sick when i actually lay and think of you
its like all i want to do is vomit my heart out
its gone bad and so soon after so does my mind and my limbs
and thats why people stay in bed and make bad decisions
i can only imagine intense physical pain if i ever where to actually see you again
which makes me wonder why is it that you can make me feel so ill
why is it only you that makes me feel this way
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oh where oh where has my sanity gone [Sep. 5th, 2006|10:01 pm]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
i want to document this so that one day i can look back on this and honestly say I dont still feel like this anymore

i wanted so bad to get away from home
this summers been so agitating and anxious to me
all i wanted to do was get away from delaware and the same old routine
now i find myself continuously running back to home
just to get away
to concentrate
to breathe
to eat

I feel so incomfortable in philly
i feel paranoid
and on and on and on

i can finally understand kp i think

no one knows or cares
im like a zombie that just seems to be in the way
and i dont know what to do with myself
or how to get back to some form of normalcy
if it wasnt for this show on saturady id be long gone
i didnt even go to my 2 6 hour photoclasses today
i tried
i got up got changed and ready but i still couldnt bring myself to leave
i felt to nauseous
i didnt sleep much
i hadnt eaten
i couldnt cause i felt to nauseous
and i couldnt throw up cuz there was nothing in me

the boys saw me out yesterday night walking around aimlessly
i tried to play it off but they prolly knew i was pretty outta it
i hate it when people look at you like they know something

if this keeps up im not gonna be able to stay in school and most certainly not in philly then either
i cant even bring myself to go to class
im afraid ill break down

i wish i was sent to rockford in high school
maybe then they could have put me on medication when i didnt have an issue with it
maybe they could have just fixed me then to have avoided this now
everyone gets sent to rockford
i know i prolly should have
so why didnt i

or why couldnt my parents have let me go talk to someone like i had asked before
instead of saying oh yea honey sure anything
and then errrrrr no
leaving me high and dry to attempt to figure things out on my own

and now back to square one
how do i stop this feeling?
on my own as always of course
not even my best friend is really there for me
but i guess i should be used to that by now too

hour by hour
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smile like you mean it [Sep. 3rd, 2006|11:48 pm]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
so as the second day of my hopeful escape from reality comes to an end i cant help but feel nothing but blank
i cant comprehend what i have and have not reflected or gained or learned
and maybe thats just it
i think and analyze too much
maybe its just about time to feel blank
time for a fresh start
time to create whatever i want

and just concentrate stand up and breathe in
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NOTE TO SELF [Sep. 2nd, 2006|01:53 am]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
no one cares.

no one knows you.

no one care what happens to you.
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fate vs choice [Aug. 17th, 2006|04:53 am]
I Can't recognize you in a sentence its true
im over worked
over tired
under paid
under productive
over rushed
and over frantic

im so agitated with myself and my life
summer just about gone and all i can find myself doing is rushing to get everything i planned done

im so sick of this schedule
im bored of work
bored of dcad
and bored with alot of the people i hangout with

maybe im just boring

thats a horrible feeling when you realize youve been boring

i need a change
some sort of big thing to come along
something to shake something up
shake something new out of me

i cant keep doing this
im not unhappy with my life
but i cant help but feel like something is constantly missing
especially recently
i can never put my finger on what exactly it is but theres just something not right
and it somehow always feels so disappointing

its like im ready for that big life altering opportunity/event to come along and rescue me from where im at now
but everythings so far off

maybe if i dont carry around with me so much change, change will happen.
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